So your bro is Jesus too eh? We must be related.

You can dole out specific family items in your will. you may have extended family that could appreciate something. I just gave a second cousin our great g'ma's autograph book from 1905 and kept a colour copy for myself. She didn't know of it's existence and was delighted.

Anything your kids don't want...church rummage sale! or they could do an estate sale.

My grandma was crushed when her aunts died and her cousin didn't let her have a memento. I seriously doubt it was out of meaness. at a time like that there is a lot on a person's mind.

My pop knew he was dying so he doled out all his stuff and cleaned house in the months leading up to it. was kinda weird actually, but in hindsite was practical.

Cat : sell it and buy something nice for yourself !

Aww. dont feel guilty Cat. We all retain and remember certain things that particularly hurt our feelings or deeply offended. Because of the impact they had at the time... they "stay" with us.
Generally... we can put it down to a difference in sensitivities... or a lapse in tact. Declining your things is one thing... calling it old junk is another
I'm sure he didnt mean to hurt you... just didnt think of the effect of his words. Usually alway the case.

These type of "stings" dont detract in any way from all we love about that person. (a deliberate, frequent "pattern" may require addressing of course)

That is great that your son invited you to visit!
And yes.. Mother's Day is coming right up.. a very lovely and sentimental time.

I have talked with my children about it. As I have gone older and been through recent family deaths, I realize what we think important holds no importance to the next generation. Mom had two trunks of photo's , I took some Sandy took some but sad to say most went to the dump. It is so so sad. Now I keep very few photos..
I have given some things to my children already.. so I can see them use them. Most of what I have would not interest them. Cat, I am sorry, to hear that was said to you. Mine, try to best to say, well , Mom, that would not go with my decor, or I am not really into that, why not save it and give it to someone who would enjoy. My son, has little interest at all. I tell ,my children if they see something they would like to tell me. usually I give it to them then.
John was just talking about what would become of his stuff, junk as his boys would say,he has two attics , one bus and one garage of , well the would be aniques now.. they joking said, Dad, get rid of now, other wise we will be stuck with cleaning it all out and taking it to the dump, it hurt him a lot, some was their grandfathers. I said, this fall we could put it out in a yard sale, and advertise some as antiques,, someone may want some of it. Last summer I did a large yard sale, and it went well, what did not go I put as free the last day.
So even though, my kids , say it nicely ,it means the same thing, and Johns are just rude. I guess that is life.
MY youngest says, Mom, John and you spend your money, start taking trips.. and we are going to do that. I guess if you don't want our junk you need not get our money.. of course, if something happens to John and I and Bluie is still here, Miss Sandy, my oldest daughter gets her and her trust, I know she will take good care of her, Sandy says sure mom, give me the ugly ole girl.. lol,, she loves her to.
I have friends. live in Florida, now they have everything, lots of money, own two big I call them RV parks, houses and homes. jewelry ,I mean, loaded, they were excited, putting the will together, call the kids together, to see who would like what, they said they did not want none of it. her daughter said she would never wear that jewelry she did not care what it was. So sad.
So I am leaving mine, a letter I wrote each of them from me. I have left instructions for my funeral, no sad songs, a real Irish wake, lots of old time Rock and Roll. I want to be wearing blue jeans and a tee shirt. and I want my underwear on, and my shoes. and Chocolate Hersey Bar. If they do not do as I wish I shall haunt them on a regular basis.

Hi! This is a sad thread. When my mother died, my sister and I split everything of Mom's. The same with Dad. Over the years my Step mother gave us things that belonged to her, but when she died, her kids got everything. Since I only have one daughter and son in-law, they will get everything we have. Not sure what she will do with them but it will be theirs to do what they want with them. Linda (Eli & Whitney's Mom)

I felt bad just reading this because before my Dad passed away he said "when I go this is all yours" and I really wanted the condo so I could sell it tho I told him that all his and my Mom's belongings while meaning alot to them would be hard to transport back to CA and I couldn't sell the furniture for much because much of it wasn't that valuable (ooops). I didn't know really until he passed away how much all their things meant to me and had much of it shipped back here to CA and is packed up still at my husband's house until I move.

I know I said some things to both my parents that had to have hurt. I didn't realize at the time how flippant these things sounded and I can only hope that they realized how much I loved them even if I was a rather thoughtless, selfish person who made flippant remarks abit too easily.

When you go your kids are going to be sitting there crying while going thru your things and going to want it to remember you by so I think you're doing the right thing to ask in advance who wants what tho what you might want to do is just make your will out and somehow make a provisional clause regarding belongings with the help of the attorney. They deal with sort of thing all the time so are good at drafting up a will with things stated in a manner that hopefully works for everyone in the future.. when you're gone. Meanwhile just keep asking.

Marlo.. I'm certain your parents knew how very much you loved them. There isnt anyone out there who hasnt regretted certain things they said or did to their loved ones. When they are gone.. these loom large...can come back to make us feel sad and regretful.
It's the "sum total" of relationships that counts though, and that is what we must remember and feel good about.

I keep coming back to read the new entries in this thread - but I must agree that as interesting as it is, it's very sad too
.... kind of heartwrenching actually.

Have you every had to go through a relative's house and clean up/out their stuff? ugh. you can learn things about them you would rather wish you didn't.

I live by the bus rule. If I got hit by a bus today, my bro or my mom would not find anything surprising in my house, like illegal or sordid stuff. The would think me the most boring person ever.

I don't have a lot, but all my estate planning is done and I left my meat to the U of M anatomy bequest programme.

am i topic straying? sorry.

My mom must have lived by that rule, Dan.
Cleaning up her house was a breeze...
She did not like clutter, so really did not keep a whole lot of "stuff".

Our nephew took all the furniture, household items that my siblings and I
did not want, rented a moving van, and carted it all down to where he lives in NB, and
had a huge yard sale. I do think he kept his granny's beautiful dining room set....
But what a help it was to us...my sister and brothers did not want a whole lot of
her stuff..a few momentos...and I took a rocking chair that Todd liked, for him...
We packed up all my mom's clothing and gave it to the church who happened to be having
a yard sale shortly after my mom's death..(my sister made sure all of my dad's stuff was gone
shortly after he died, years before my mom)

My mother-in-laws was a complete other story..a real nighmare.
This was a woman who through nothing out...there were hat boxes in the house from the "40's,
not to mention clothing, toys, etc.
We did have an antique dealer come in..and he bought for thousands of dollars....
But, to give you an example of how she was...her venetion blinds in the bedroom had broken..
we bought her some new ones, and installed.
I'm going out to the garage with old, to put in the garbage, and she actually stops me from doing
that..just put them aside she says
She had enough plastic icecream containers to start a factory.
She had every little box that strawberries came in...
Oh...drawers full of brand new Avon gift packs she would buy for a just in case gift...some of these wer
so very old...baby clothes, in case someone should have a baby...
Unbelieveable the stuff we found in there....

A huge freezer full...we found turkeys that were from the "70's....a ton of little bags of chopped
up rhuhbarb going back many years, same as blueberries, picked some 20 years previous and frozen.
It took Don and I about 4 garbage days to get rid of the stuff just in the freezer alone...

This was a story and a half home, wiith loads of cubby holes, and all of them filled with stuff.
The attick held every box that a gift to them came in...

You would not believe the dumpters we had to rent to empty this house..
the yard sales her daughters had....

I swore at the time....my kids would never, ever be left with so much stuff to dispose of.

Hahahaha, Joan. That is exactly the reason I wanted to give my kids what they wanted and get rid of everything else. I was left to cleaning out my mother's home after she passed. She had lived in it for over 30 years! It was a nightmare. Not to mention, all of my grandmother's stuff was there, too, because my mother wasn't able to get rid of it, LOL