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 Post subject: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 6:59 pm 
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Best in Color
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Location: British Columbia Canada
Do you feel it's more common for siblings to grow apart as we go through life... or more unusual? :?:
There's tons of varying dynamics that enter in this, obviously.. and the fact that many brothers and sisters are geographically distanced is just one.

I've been fretting for a couple of weeks over a simmering conflict between my son and daughter. It seems to have blown over now, thank goodness, but really illustrated to me the widening gap in their relationship..which could best be described as cordial, but cool and detached. :( Indifferent might be the word.
If not for family dinners and outings where my husband and I are joining, they'd never see or talk to each other, I'm sure. ( live 10 miles apart)

They've never been really close, didnt get along as children and teens, though each got along well with their younger brother throughout his too-short life. :flower:
They're both warm and loving with us, and with their respective families.

As a mother,I've always been bothered and disapointed that they dont have a better relationship.. and puzzled as to why they dont.
But I have to accept that only they can fix that. It's not about conflicts - that's part of family life. It's about the bonds.
I'm just left wondering sometimes.. where is the love between these two? :? :( Guess it's there,deep down. Hope so. :paw:
Clearly no family is "The Brady Bunch". :)
And if we have more than one sibling.. each relationship is going to be different, naturally.

My husband says siblings usually slowly drift apart as years go by.. kind of a natural progression in life...and our children's relationship is not "that" unusual.
I do agree to a certain point, but when I look around, I see lots of examples of brother and sister closeness that lasts a lifetime too.


Not all of you have siblings and/ or children of course, but wondered what your thoughts were on this topic, or, if you care to share... your own family experiences :flower:

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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 7:21 pm 
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My bro and I share the same surname. We are polite to each other at the usual family type holiday gatherings. that's about it.

and yet I know people who are like best pals with their adult sibs. all very strange to me.


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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 8:24 pm 
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Location: Watertown Ny
My children have seem to go through stages in their life. when they graduated and left home they seem to drift apart. My son is the oldest, after his father and our divorce, he left college and joined the Army. At this time the girls were 12 and 16, the older one could not stand her sister, she was always in her stuff and wanting to play with her and go with her. They both went their own way, now in the last 7 years they have developed a close relationship with each other. I think because Grandma is gone and now they feel they have to stay close to take care of me in my later years.. I don't think so. but it is nice to see them this way, My son, just does not seem to relate to either of his sisters ,they say he is a momma's boy.
I agree about the Brady Bunch or Waltons, never had a family like those..
My older brother lives far away, I talk to him twice a year, I am close with my younger brother and sister, but my sister next to me, we have no relationsip at all, she really does not like any of us. We tried but she just thinks we all hate her, we don't but we can 't fix it,
So, I don't think it is unusual, I think , we grow and develop different out looks in life, and sometimes , they are different. I also think, that as they get older, you will see them start to grow close again, as they were before. All my brothers and sisters live far apart, my children also but I think even if they lived close , they would be the same..
It is hard for us, I know what you mean about family get togethers, that seems to be the only time we all get together, good question , as always Fran.
I have missed your post a lot.

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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 8:26 pm 
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Fran,

an intersting topic about which I have thought myself lots. My only sister and I could not have been more different in all aspects, intersts, body shape, tastes for food, clothes, cars, men, work, what have you. And it was nothing deliberate I just noticed these differences in seeing the world which made it difficult at times to communicate because the only being you expect to be similar to yourself, is not at all.
I have much more in common with longtime friends than I ever had with her, and I hope she had with her friends.
We do not chose our family, we chose our friends so maybe we overload the family thing with expectations just as we do marriages at times, it has to be perfect but it is not always. But even if not perfect, it works in a way.

I miss my sister and our differences.

Birgit

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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 8:52 pm 
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Location: Montreal, Quebec, Canada
Without going into the nasty details, my sister and I are not the closest. Physically, she has not had the easiest life and, although my parents did whatever they could to give her a better life, she always felt like a victim. When my parents passed, I inherited her anger. She could be scary at times and litigious, but it is all bluster. She gets along with no one -- not even her only son! People who knew her tend to give her a wide berth. The last few years, though, we have been polite to one another. She has accepted to drop bringing up her version of the past. We phone one another a few times a year and she sends me the best ever cat-related cards. I don't know where she finds them. We connect now because she has a rescue Lhasa Apso. That is about all we have in common. It is sad because she is my only relative and I really do not like her.

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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 9:17 pm 
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I'm like some others here.. cordial to my bro tho not close. We've never been that close and don't foresee it ever happening (he's 4 years older than me). I left the east coast when I was 27 and he remained there. He's been out here once (I'm 58) and that was work related. We tried to coordinate visits at my parents in Fla tho most of the time I was going and he wasn't. There's a lot more I could say tho suffice to say it's sorta sad we're not closer tho that's the way it is. Hopefully your kids have adjusted to it pretty well creating their own support groups/friends/family and such.


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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:08 pm 
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As for my sibs, I only had one younger brother, because Mom worked I always took care of him. He took a hard path as a teen and as a result had a hard life, he died about 5 yrs ago. We did not see a lot of each other but we were close, and I miss him. I have a step brother, never hear from him now that our parents are gone and that is ok with me.

As for our kids, they fought like all sibs do as kids and I despaired they would hate each other.
thankfully I was totally wrong . They all live close to each other and they do a lot together, they are very close. Now that their own families are grown they do less together and more with immediate family but still do things together and are close. If any one of the kids gets upset with another it totally upsets me, it would kill me if they were distant or angry with each other.

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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Mon May 07, 2012 11:21 pm 
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Location: New Jersey
My one sister and my brother and I are all close. Our oldest sister does not have much in common with the rest of us.
She has an entirely different set of memories about our life growing up. She always felt left out although we always
thought she was the spoiled first child.

As for my own children, they had their share of ups and down but I find them getting closer as they get older. As a mother
this warms my heart. But I don't think you can force a relationship between siblings. It is what it is.

Arlene

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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2012 1:40 pm 
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My brother and I did not get along at all until we were much older. We live about 10 miles from each other and work a mile away from each other, but we both have so much going on that it is hard to get together. We are not what I would call close, but we do talk regularly and he knows that I would step in front of a moving train for my nephews, ages 21 and 18. They are what ties us together more than anything. He knows his oldest confides in me and also knows I would never break that trust. I think he's glad that his son has someone to talk to who won't judge him and can give him advice.

So we don't see each other much, but not because of a problem, but because we have so much going on and travel in very different circles.

Denise


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 Post subject: Re: Siblings..the ties that bind. Or not...
PostPosted: Tue May 08, 2012 7:17 pm 
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Location: Nova Scotia, Canada
I'm 20 my younger sister is 17 and our relationship is okay I guess.
We're just entirely different people and she's a little more gruff then me. She lacks compassion and empathy and is a very angry aggressive person I was always smaller then her and she picked on me quite bit. She is constantly in a state of needing to be "better than" me and finding ways to put me down. We have moments when we do get a long, but again she is young and not yet been out in the "Real world" which I'm hoping will well tame her down little and take away this haughtyness that only weak people are prone to being emotional....In the end it will be up to her if she wants a close relationship. I'm willing yes, but she may not be. We're both to young to know.

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